Hidden Meanings in Company Talks
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know…"
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
Funny Killer English
Principal to student…" I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette… ? "
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Class teacher once said :
" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
************ ********* *** once Hindi teacher said…."I'm going out of the world to America.."
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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
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don't. laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down…..
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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
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teacher in a furious mood…
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
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"shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college"
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My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
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"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
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LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
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Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
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Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
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Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
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Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away
Having Fun with a Telemarketer
Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.
Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?
Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: Ok, hold on. At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 2 or 3 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.
Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?
Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.
Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.
Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone. AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.
Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: Seven days a week? AT&T: That's right.
Me: Three hundred and sixty-five days a year? AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money! AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making the payment. AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T? AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but…
Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me. AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for…
Me: There you go again! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.
So, now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food…
Supervisor: Mr. Salem? Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)
Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. Supervisor: OK, no problem. I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.
Me: Do you have that 'friends and family' thing, because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.
AT&T: (click)
Equations
SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
Sushmita Sen – 1.2 feet = Salman Khan. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol..
Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.
Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan – Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
1 person – shirt = Salman Khan
1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film
Reading mails all the time + no replies = Silence of the Lamb!
Software Engineer, Qualified Employee+ No Work = Forwards
Job Test Cheater
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company.
They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
-- Mohammad Ashraful Amin Asst. Commissioner and Magistrate N.D.C DC Office, Natore Bangladesh 
